What is This Feeling
by Rising Pheonix
Summary: In which a brief encounter allows Kallen to realise...


Wow. I'm back into Fanfiction. Haha, it seemed like years since I've actually written a fic and stuck to it. Everyone, say hello to my first one shot. Code Geass is a new love of mine (considered old, I mean, it's two seasons and all!) and I absolutely adore the characters although I personally think the plot needs some work. For those of you that are wondering about my (abandoned) fics, I have no idea what I'm going to do with them.

But for now, enjoy!

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**What is This Feeling?  
Characters: **Kallen  
**Pairing: **Kallen/Lelouch-Zero (whichever really)  
**Summary:** In which a brief encounter allows Kallen to realise...  
**Status: **ONE-SHOT - _Completed  
**WARING: **Spoilers! Unless you want a spoiler to R2: Episode 22, then I don't recommend you read. Sorry!_

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It was a nice kiss. It was soft and it was gentle and it was a good kiss. But it wasn't what she wanted. She wanted him to kiss her back, hold her. Remind her of the warmth that she felt whilst rushing through the air in the Guren. She wanted him to give her the strength that she found evaporating through that one month that he had not been by her side, directing her, giving her the hope that Japan would one day rise again.

He had once told her, _'Live on, Kallen.'_

What point was there to live on when she had no hope?

If he had not existed, the Black Knights would have never been formed. But the Black Knights gave her strength. Tamaki's complaints, C.C's regular orders of pizza, Rakshata's tobacco smelling up the room, Toudou's stern and formerly unshakeable belief and Ougi's eternal respect for all those that tried to make the sun rise once more. It was all enough to keep her going, to keep her well.

But it didn't give cause. She wanted to hear his strategies, have him come up with the plan to fool their opponent, hear his voice boom over the skies and remind the world that yes, Zero would bring upon justice anyone that had wronged the world. But Britannia had taken that away. That had taken Zero away and they had taken Japan away. With Japan, Naoto. With Naoto, her mother.

Why did they just keep taking?

Who was there for her to run to when she grazed her knee? To check her homework? To kiss her goodnight? Who was going to teach her how to mend a bookshelf? Teach her how to cook? Scold her for taking a long shower? Direct her in a battle? Ask her to guard them?

If he had not existed, her life at Ashford would not have led her to the school council.

Oh, Shirley, who loved Lelouch with all her heart and never stopped. Shirley who would complain and rant about Lelouch but forgive him after remembering what she loved about him. Millay and her school festivals and random events, a remark to cause moral outrage or even on the rare occasion, good advice. Rivalz, loyal and cheerful, he stood by them, forever in love in the shadows but he would never leave them. Nunally and her peaceful ways and understanding of those that were different. Suzaku, as traitorous to Japan as he was, his willingness to assist and to protect others did redeem him slightly.

And even when she spent moments in fear, worrying about whether or not his miracles would turn out to be just illusions of grandeur, she was reassured by the fact that they were both in this together. Her forever as his Queen, his Ace. She would protect and she would fight. And they would live to see tomorrow—no, they were fighting to reach tomorrow. They all fought to reach tomorrow and to live on.

"_Sayonara, Kallen."_

And she didn't know what was this feeling. She hated it, she hated how Britannia was always taking. She hated the fact that the Black Knights had effortlessly given the Japanese a shining beacon of light to look towards when times grew dark. She hated how Zero had been under her nose all along. She hated knowing that C.C was the one who had known it from the start. And she hated the fact that Zero had given her hope and how it had been taken away.

But most importantly, she couldn't help but hate that it hurt her at the thought of hating Lelouch. Of hating Zero. Of hating the man that was not only her strength but the reason why that when the Guren soars through the air, no matter the side, she is not alone, she is never afraid.

She hated love. Because it hurt so much.

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Short, bittersweet and completed. This is also posted up in Code Geass - fic, a LJ community so have no fear. Do tell me what you think because I'm considering to write more Code Geass fics as well. (And maybe finish my super old ones now that I realise there's more to characters than I thought).

Hope everyone has enjoys this! Ja ne!


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